Wow, been a long time since I posted.
So, what's new for me this year? I have moved to upstate New York, I have a job there. I moved there three days ago, and I am still settling in and getting used to this place. I decided to move away from Philadelphia because of all the shit that happened to me there, and I just wanted to have a fresh start.
I am still working hard on my drug...issues, but I think I can stay clean.
I hope this year is a good year for me, and for everyone else.
Hanging In There
Not much new to say, things are pretty much the same as they were when I last wrote. But I am hanging in there and I am not ready to give up yet. I will make it through this, somehow, even though the challenges that I thought that I would face upon entering the United States ended up being completely different than the ones that I actually am dealing with.
Oh well. At least it is a learning experience.
50th post...how amusing
well, this is post #50 of this blog...and how much has changed since I started this blog!
I would love to be able to say that I am doing excellently now and am recovering from my atrocious month and some.
But I am not. At least not yet.
I am making steps, but things are still not going very well for me. I am still in the United States and I have found another - albeit much lower-paying - job. I am working on the addiction.
I know that I will figure it out eventually and that God will help me to do that.
I am sorry if my posts are infrequent, but I no longer have the time to devote to the internet that I once did.
Thank you to everyone for your supportive comments on my last post.
I will do my best to keep everyone updated, as often as I can.
well, when you hit rock bottom, there is no further that you can fall, right?
This month has been a...disaster, to put it lightly. I have watched as my life fell apart around me, and am, at present, unemployed, struggling to pay my bills, and trying to nip a fledgling addiction in the bud before it takes over my life.
But there is nowhere to go but up.
or at least I pray that that is the truth
Getting up at 6.00 this morning was not my idea of a good time. I spent most of the weekend drinking (which in and of itself is not a terribly unusual thing for me), and I had something of a headache most of this morning. I have never liked Mondays particularly, but this one seemed to be worse than usual. I seriously considered phoning in sick so that I could just lie in bed and recover. But I have no desire to start bad habits like that, so I forced myself to get up and go to work.
Drinking all weekend meant one thing for certain: I got no further in finding an apartment, which is annoying. I wanted to move by the end of the month, but I doubt that I am going to manage that now. Hopefully by the end of October, I will have somewhere to live besides a hotel; that I will have a real apartment to live in.
When I went out on Saturday night, I found a nice young man who was more than willing to loan me the use of his bed for the night. He was probably about my age, but he was a graduate student rather than a working man. I had a good time with him and I have his number, but I have not yet decided whether to phone him, or if it is one of those situations in which a number is given but no phone call is expected. I will decide that within the next day or two, though.
I must say it did feel good to have sex after so long. But I am still not completely comfortable sleeping in another mans bed, there is something about it that just reminds me too much of Giuseppe. I am not sure what my feelings are towards him, I never was able to resolve them, and no doubt that will cause me problems later.
But for the first time, I have had sex in the United States!
I have been here for about a week now, and I am so tired. I have finally overcome jet lag and so now I do not have to worry about nearly falling asleep at work or waking up in the middle of the night. So that is good.
But I am exhausted. I attribute it to the fact that I do not have an apartment. I have nowhere that is really "home". I have a hotel room; it is a nice hotel room, but it is only temporary. I cannot really let go and relax in it. So I wake up every morning tense and I never sleep very well. Hopefully I will do something about the apartment situation this weekend. I am getting tired of going out to eat; I want my kitchen back so that I can cook something. (And that is something I never thought I would say).
Tonight is Friday night though. I have survived my first week of work and life in the United States! I think that I deserve to let go and go out and have a couple of drinks tonight to celebrate. Maybe I will find a nice gay bar to spend the evening at. I do not intend to find someone to sleep with, but who knows? I may be tired, but I have also been without sex for ages.
Here is to a week in a new country!
Here is to having a good evening!
Here is to the best of new lives!
I am sitting back in my hotel room and I am so glad to be away from work. It is not, in theory, difficult - it is quite similar to what I used to do. In that respect, I am fine. The work is not out of my depth. It is all in English, which is a bit different, but my English is good, and so I am just a little slower than I used to be.
No, the problem is that everything
is in English. I am used to being in an enviroment were everyone speaks Italian, and English is used when necessary. I am reasonably fluent in English, but when everyone around me is speaking it, it all becomes like a buzz to me and I cannot focus on anything.
It is just another thing that will take some adapating to. Everyone was very friendly with me today and I am so grateful for that. I know that things will get easier, it will just take time for me to adapt to this new place and the new people.
I am so tired right now. I am still not properly recovered from jetlag and so I am going to try to stay awake for another couple of hours before sleeping in hopes of getting my sleep cycle to where it should be.
Also, soon I will get back to commenting on other blogs. I will soon I hope have the time for all the fun that the blogging world has to offer.
One day at a time.
One day down.