Tuesday, July 25, 2006

a bad day

As I have been using this blog as my whining-area, I feel no need to stop now.

I did not get to sleep until about 4 in the morning, and then my father was kind enough to wake me up at 8. I do not do well on four hours of sleep. It makes me grouchy and even more of a pain in the ass than I normally am. I tried to go back to sleep, trust me, but my father was persistent. He insisted on taking me out to get something to eat so that we could talk.

It was exactly what I expected: he assumed that last night I had gone out and picked up a whore. He told me that I was to stop doing that, to find someone who I wanted to fuck for more than a night and marry her. How I wanted to tell him that that was more or less what I was looking to do, except for the fact that I was not looking for a woman. But I held my tongue.

He also told me to stop sitting around the house all day. He forbade me to come back to the house before 18.00. So off I wandered into Napoli. It is not that that there was nothing for me to do, just that I was in too much of a bad mood to want to do it. I am also not much of an outdoors person, and so wandering a city that I already know quite well is not my idea of a fun day.

To make everything even better, Giuseppe phoned me. I was not in the mood for another shouting match especially not in public, so I tried to be calm and asked him why he was talking to me again. He apologized for his harsh words and he said that he had been thinking about me a lot. He asked me when I was coming home, and when I told him, he told me that he wanted to see me when I came back so that we could talk. I said okay and that I would phone him when I returned.

When I came home, after eating with my family, I went back upstairs to my room and used that cocaine I bought yesterday. I do not consider it a negative act, but I hate using it in my fathers home.

I do not know whether I want to talk to Giuseppe when I go back to Rimini. I hurt him and he hurt me back. If I do get a job in the United States, he will not be able to come with me. I am not sure I want to restart a relationship I know will have to end soon. I like him and aside from our fight, he is wonderful. But I just do not know. Any words of wisdom on the issue would be greatly appreciated.


At 10:01 PM, Blogger ..:: YNAGER ' 65 ::.. said...

I won't start off with a lecture, I think you know what I am talking about....keep your head clear sweetie and do only what make you happy WITH YOURSELF! You do need to follow your Fathers rules while in his house, and I agree with you, about the not talking back to him just for spite...small steps at the beginning...it is a long road you are starting, happiness is out there, but you have to search sometimes...

At 4:34 AM, Blogger Gray said...

Above is a good comment! Here, I'll just say that I agree with you about starting up with G again - unless you tell him you might be moving very soon. Then, at least, he'll be forewarned. In the meanwhile, you might enjoy having a steady partner until you do move.

At 9:49 AM, Blogger john said...

Don't burn bridges, especially the ones you've created with friends. You may need him someday.


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