Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Boredom

Since returning to my fathers home in Napoli, I have been very unable to return to work. I would be more than happy to go back to my apartment and go back to work and go back to my life but my father has arranged for a month long leave of absence for me which will take me to the end of July. It is theoretically for me to recuperate from my overdose, but I feel fine, the tests from the hospital say I am fine, and I am sick of being stuck here with my father. I basically have nothing to do in this house since I have come home. I sit around, sit on the computer - until my father tells me to get off, eat a couple of times a day, when I can, go out and have a couple of drinks.

A bigger problem is that when my father came and retrieved me from the hospital a couple of weeks ago, he neglected to go back to my apartment for any of my things. So I am without my phone, my laptop, my car, most of my clothes...I tried to convince him to let me return this week for those things (and so I can see G) but after I disappeared all last weekend (drinking and drugs and sex) he refused me. I have told him that I will be going back home Friday evening and that I will be back on Monday.

It is not that he has the power to refuse me. I have money of my own and am a free person. But I do not want him to disown me and I know he has been very close to doing that many times. There is a line I have to toe and if I am not careful, I will find myself without a family and that will hurt very much.

Right now though I am just bored. My father is often around the house and he is more than happy to find work for me to do but I cannot be bothered most of the time. I go to Church fairly often not because of a strong religious faith but simply to get me out of the house.

I consider myself a fairly attractive man. (I am 1.74m tall, 64kg, fairly fit, shoulder-length black hair, dark eyes) I have never had any problem attracting women, or lately, in attracting men. I feel like I am trapped in my fathers house. I have been sneaking out of this house since I was a teenager, but he has lectured me so many times in the last two or three weeks that any time I do, I feel incredibly guilty. He does not like me to go out for the evening to "find a whore", he would rather I sit at home with him and watch some brainless television.

These are the best years of my life! Why am I being stuck here in my fathers house?

I know I sound like a whining teenager but right now I feel like one. My father is treating me as if I am a child, and while I can be a brat when I choose to be, I think I should at least be given the freedom to run my own life. I am 24 years old and I am old enough to be making my own decisions about my life.

3 Comments:

At 2:59 AM, Blogger Brad said...

It's better to live your life for yourself, my friend. To hell with the consequences from your family. You can always create a "family" as you go about your life.

I''ve been out (and honest) since I was 18. I've never regretted a moment.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger john said...

I think that since you are being treated like a child, you feel like you are acting like one.
We all revert to a certain childlike state, especially in our childhood homes. I always become a little less mature whenever I'm under the same roof with my parents.

 
At 2:33 AM, Blogger Gray said...

Could it be that your father is now being overly protective because of your drug overdose? A father who loves his children does not want any of them to die! Perhaps, by being overly protective, your father is trying to show that he does love you and will do anything to keep you alive and a part of his life.

Just a thought.

 

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