Thursday, July 13, 2006

Faithfulness - Part IV

I went to see G after I got home from work because I have learned that it is quicker and easier for me to just do what he says rather than put up a fight about it - he always wins anyway. It was a wonderful surprise: he told me that he had two plane tickets and a hotel reservation in Barcelona for the weekend.

I cannot even described how incredible it felt for me to go away with him where we did not have to sneak about and hide about what we were. During one of the brief periods where I convinced him to leave the room, we could walk down the street together, holding hands, and no one even commented. If only we could do that at home. Ah well.

So, we had an incredible weekend and I really hated going home and leaving all of that behind. I was so used to that 48 hours of not being apart that even spending Monday by myself (well, I was at work, but I was still not with him) hurt me. I wanted to be with him.

I called him Monday evening in the hopes of seeing him, but he was not answering his phone, either his home phone or his cell phone and that upset me. I spent hours envisioning what he might have been doing, and I could not sleep. I got fairly drunk that night out of sheer misery. But I was also kind of disgusted at myself that I had fallen so hard for any one when I knew that I had prided myself on never falling in love.

He called me in the middle of the night. He woke me up but I did not really care. I did not want to seem jealous so I did not ask him what he did or where he was. Instead, he volunteered it. He said that he had been out shopping and declined to elaborate. It was too late and we both had work the following morning, so we spent the night apart.

He came to my apartment the following evening after I had come home from work. He showed me what he had spent the previous night shopping for - some methamphetamines. I use drugs and I will not lie about it, but I have always used cocaine and cocaine alone. I know my tolerances with it and I have been careful enough to not get addicted to it. My boyfriend has done more experimenting and he insisted that it was a great high and that we could both enjoy it.

It took some persuading but I eventually decided to try them.

I overdosed. If G had not been there and in a better condition than I was, I might have died.

He took me to the hospital, where they treated me. And then they called my father.

About four days after I arrived at the hospital, my father took me back to his home in Napoli.

To the best of my memory, which admittedly is not perfect considering the circumstances, G visited me several times a day, every day of those four days.


At 11:22 AM, Blogger john said...

I hope that you get better.

At 2:31 PM, Anonymous dan said...

man you have great English, btw. I'm glad you know your limits with drugs, I hope the meth experience was bad enough perhaps your bf won't want to again. either way, good luck with everything. later.

At 2:54 AM, Blogger Gray said...

Meth is so very addicting! I truly hope that you don't use it again. We all have a hidden need for something to get us high. For one of my dear friends, it's cocaine; for myself and some other dear friends, it's alcohol. Addictions can come in many forms; it's just that some are more deadly than others.

I'm not judging you. I'm recalling some dear friends; one of whom just could not stop. Needless to say he's dead. How tragic is that?

I'm very happy you are in love with G! But *blind* love can be dangerous. Unless you have a death wish, you must make G understand that you don't want to do meth again.

Sorry. Truly, I'm very sorry. I did not mean to preach. Only to warn. But, hell! What am I thinking? You're old enough. You know about all this junk!

Wishing you the best!


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