Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Loneliness

Lonely.

I am so lonely.

I know that all of you are here for me but you are all thousands of miles away.

There is no one here.

And that makes me so sad.

So sad I want to hurt myself. Hurt myself so badly that no one else can hurt me anymore. So that nothing can hurt me anymore. So I feel nothing.

Because then I will not have to sit as I am now in my room, trying not to cry.

10 Comments:

At 10:23 PM, Blogger Gumby said...

Oh, that makes my heart break, reading that. I wish I could be there for you to talk to...

 
At 1:02 AM, Blogger Jay said...

Alessandro--

We all go through life alone.

It doesn't matter if we are surrounded by people, in the end we are all alone, with our thoughts. With all that is good and bad about ourselves.

You're in pain. Use it to discover more about yourself. Meditate. Pray. Think about what you like about yourself, and what you want to change.

Stop beating yourself up. Stop dwelling on G. He is the one that lost out on the chance to really know all that is wonderful about you. Yeah, you fucked up, but he fucked up in writing you off so quickly. You deserve better.

Remember what I told you. You're only a man. You are not perfect. You make mistakes, and you will become a better man because of them.

I want to see you well. We are both going to get through this shit. If nothing else, know that there is somebody out there who cares about you. I pray for you, Alessandro, and send you love.

 
At 1:50 AM, Blogger RIC said...

... And why the hell shouldn't you cry??!! Cry whatever you feel like, for heavens sake! It does help, a lot!
Alessandro, we're concerned about you, we all support you entirely. We all want you to get better, to face life again. Please, don't dwell in that swamp. What's over it's over. We're humans, we can't change the past. So face up the present and get ready to embrace the future. Go out, leave the house, don't stay in your room. Make an effort. Once you're in the streets, you'll feel the air, the breeze on your face and you'll remember how good that is, how much better that is than staying abandoned in your room. But you have to take that very first step. No one can do that for you. Walk, walk, walk, until you feel tired as hell. And then keep on still walking. As Jay said, meditate, pray, try to make any kind of plans. Even if it seems absurd to you now, that IS the way. Please, Alessandro, don't start feeling sorry for yourself. That's the worst thing to do. I know what I'm talking about. Think - even if it isn't totally true - that you have also to start (sorry, there's no other word) deserving our concern. We are here for you and we want you to be there for yourself, as soon as possible.
I wish I could find the magic words for consolation, but that just doesn't exist. Please, pull yourself together! :-)

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger john said...

Please don't hurt yourself.
I'm a Roman Catholic too. I know that God does not want us to live in agony like this, this mental anguish.
You have a lot to live for and such a bright future ahead of you. You'll see it unfold slowly. It will come. You know I've always believed that if God takes us to it, He'll take us through it. Whatever pain you are feeling will pass.
I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better.

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger Minge said...

It breaks my heart to read this.

I know you feel lonley, but get out there and change it! And cry if you want to. You might feel a sense of release.

I wish you lived around the corner. I could bake a cake, bring it to you and we could share it with a cup of tea and a natter.

Don't be lonely.

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger The Brian said...

I remember reading The Road Less Travelled and it begins with the classic line "Life is difficult." I found that oddly comforting. No matter how we plan or prepare there will always be difficult spots. The key is to remember that this too shall pass.

Be kind to yourself. - B

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Are you on Skype? Call me there.

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger RIC said...

Ciao caro, come stai?
I came by again just to make you a suggestion, and I think you can profit from it. Maybe you've watched them already, but now would be the perfect time to get the most out of them. By Michelangelo Antonione «L'Avventura», «La Notte» and «L'Eclipse». I'm sure it won't be hard for you to get them at any store, in case you don't have them yet at home. I'm under the impression they could really help you.
Mi raccomando. :-)

 
At 5:40 AM, Blogger Gray said...

Beautiful comments are written above!

When you're alone and praying, remember that God made you the *way* he made you *for a purpose*!! He doesn't want a quitter and we can all see that you are *not* a quitter!!

Take heart, Alessandro! The pain is created by others and their lame attitudes! God, and your friends, will see you through this.... If you let us.

 
At 3:20 PM, Blogger ..:: YNAGER ' 65 ::.. said...

Alessandro - it breaks my heart as well to read you feel this way. Chin up sweetheart...sometimes a little soul searching is good for a brother...

 

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