Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Tired

Well, I was tired of sleeping alone and waking up alone, as it had been quite a while since I had done anything except that. I did not want to go back to Giuseppe, because that would be admitting weakness and starting something up that is best left behind. Sleeping with him at this point would be a mistake.

So I went out and picked a guy up. Young, cute, quite funny when I was drunk, and I brought him back here and I fucked him (mind you, I have only topped twice, I am usually a bottom).

He is lying in my bed now. Sprawled out across it, actually. I think his name is Gianluigi. Something like that, anyway. I should be attempting to sleep right now, considering that I have work tomorrow. But I am here, sitting at my computer, reading blogs and drinking a glass of wine.

I think I have somehow managed to defeat the purpose of bringing home a guy to sleep with. I fucked him, and then was quite unable to fall asleep with him in the same bed as me. The only man that I have ever been comfortable sleeping in the same bed with was Giuseppe. Gianluigi just smells different, feels different, and it was that that kept me awake. Eventually I gave up and got out of bed.

Part of me feels a bit of disappointment that I could not get the same kind of enjoyment from a one-night stand as I could from the almost-relationship that I had. But that is probably commone sense.

I cannot wait to find out whether I have the job or not. Then I can try to sort out my love life and decide whether to try again with Giuseppe or forget about him and move on to the United States and try my luck there.

Somehow, I am not optimistic either way.

7 Comments:

At 11:27 PM, Blogger john said...

I hope you get the job!!

 
At 8:04 AM, Anonymous graham said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you to get the job, I think it would be great for you :-)

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger The Brian said...

I was never able to sleep with tricks myself. It wasn't until my partner or long-term relationships in the past that I was able to completely relax.

Oh and when you get a chance I had a question about a certain hot priest calendar on my blog and you're my Italian correspondent. : )

Ciao baby.

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger Earl said...

Some men are like a drug. You get hooked on their scent...touch...voice. Sounds like you're trying to get a fix of the old flame but these new boys aren't enough.

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger dan said...

yup, common sense. I'm the same with anyone the first time, only when a relationship/friendship is there can I truly relax for real in bed. hope you catch up and get some rest though, and I hear you about difficult being optimistico for either option. one would be new job, no bf -- the other possible bf but no new job. but at this point I think it's more than just new job, you want to get away from family. SO the hard choice is if you stay will the family be confronted or not. I know part of my parents not knowing is why I like trying to travel away to other countries to work, so I don't have to listen to them about getting married. truth is they'd probably much more prefer I lived near sharing my life with them, than in the closet far away. BUT then again, I think I'd be a willing world traveler even if I weren't all closeted anyway.. he he
get some rest this week! later.

 
At 11:04 PM, Blogger J. said...

::crosses fingers::
need a new buddy in philly! lol

 
At 8:23 PM, Blogger Gumby said...

Spero che stai bene. Non scrivi "al blog" per troppi giorni!

 

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